Nanny&Me: Don't leave us broke!...REFLECTIONS from a PARENT & former LIVE-IN CAREGIVER on overhauling the Temporary Foreign Worker Program

Don't leave us broke!...REFLECTIONS from a PARENT & former LIVE-IN CAREGIVER on overhauling the Temporary Foreign Worker Program

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The Temporary Foreign Worker Program (TFWP) which encompasses the Live-in Caregiver Program was created by the Canadian Government to fill a labor market need by making it possible for employers in several industries to hire foreign workers to fill gaps that Canadians are unable or unwilling to fill. Most of these industries are part of what’s called a “low-skilled” stream (although there is also a “high-skilled” stream). It has been argued that Canada’s employment data is not comprehensive enough to lay the foundation for justifying such a program, but for our purposes I’m going to proceed with this article solely within the context of the live-in caregiver component and from the perspective of a parent seeking childcare.

The Canadian Government is currently reviewing the TFWP to ensure that positions being filled are not taking away jobs from Canadians. Within the scope of live-in caregiving positions, I had been told by many people that it is very difficult to find a domestic live-in caregiver and that has certainly been my experience.

I worked as a live-in caregiver for people with disabilities in a wonderful community. I had a transformative, character-building experience as a live-in caregiver. I developed sound and strong values during my time in the role that continue to guide my life today. Working as a live-in caregiver was rewarding, but it was also very emotionally challenging at times. Living where you work is something that few people are able to understand if they haven’t done it. I always remember on the day that I arrived in the home where I would be living, I walked in and was greeted enthusiastically by everyone whom I would be living with (those with disabilities and those assistants whom would be supporting them). As I walked through the door to the kitchen on my tour of the house, I noticed that one assistant quickly popped out of the room without so much as a smile. I felt a bit rejected, and then one of my new housemates said, “she’s on her day off”. At the time, I couldn’t help but judge this person. I thought about how disengaged she seemed and couldn’t believe that she didn’t want to be part of the family in her working and personal life. Fast forward 5 months when a new assistant was touring the house and I was that invisible person, like a mouse, scampering through the house. I gave a quick nod and retreated to my room.

What I came to learn over time is that living where you work requires a full-time emotional and mental investment that is so difficult to empathize with. It’s not about whether or not you like your work, enjoy the people you live with, or want to be doing what you’re doing (which I did!), it’s that we all need some separation from being “on”. You know that feeling when you come out of a meeting at work and your social energy stores are all depleted; you’ve been “on” throughout that whole meeting. Some of you may even know that feeling when you’ve then been in a full-day meeting and been “on” the whole time. Well just try to imagine having your entire life 24/7 operate in this mode. Learning to take the time for yourself and be okay retreating and turning “off” is extremely challenging because it creates a sense of guilt in the rejection response that this can create in those you live with. I have often heard parents who are new to having a live-in nanny say that they felt rejected when the clock turned 6pm and their nanny disappeared. Part of them worried that they hadn’t done an adequate job of making the nanny feel comfortable, and part of them felt a bit rejected that the nanny didn’t want to hang out with them and their family after work. A lot of nannies do spend time with their host families during their off hours, particularly when they’re new to the country, and the family, assimilating to the culture, and building relationships, but what most families will tell you, is that once they build their own networks of friends, when they’re not working, they want to be “off” which may include retreating to a private space or going out with friends. Some families are even shocked when their nannies want to go stay at a friend’s boarding house (where some nannies live) on the weekends, but oh how I can relate. I used to go stay in friend’s apartments and keep in mine, I was 19 at the time, so these apartments left something to be desired. I would surf couches, floors etc. just to get a bit of time where I could recharge my mental batteries.

So WHY am I telling you all of this? I’m telling you this to provide some context of thinking through what it really means to work as a live-in caregiver. I was 19 years old when I took on this job and loved every moment of it, but I can’t for a second imagine taking this role on now (at the age of 29); it would just be too mentally exhausting (I think you have more social, emotional, and mental energy when you’re younger). And then there’s also my family to consider, my husband, 6-month old son, and our dog. My role as a live-in caregiver also included round the clock cooking and cleaning, and I received a small stipend that was just enough to have some social time with my other 19-year old cohorts’, but nowhere near enough to live on. So now try to imagine qualified Canadian citizens being interested in this position, and I’m not talking about a 19 year-old fresh out of highschool (which I was) because I just can’t feel comfortable leaving my 6-month old in the care of someone that young and inexperienced. How would it come to be that someone who is qualified (ie. Has ECE, childcare training, or extensive childcare experience of 3-5 years) would want to live in my home (when they have a family and/or life of their own), cook, and clean, work flexible and ever-changing hours, and make minimum wage? Now I’m not saying that these people don’t exist, they do, but they are few and far between because working as a live-in caregiver requires a lot of sacrifice and compromise. I made it less than a year in a live-in caregiver position, and while I absolutely loved the role and all that I learned, I just couldn't manage the emotional exhaustion component of it. It is definitely each family's responsibility to conduct an exhaustive domestic/local search and should you come across a qualified Canadian, they should absolutely be given priority for the position, however when thinking about the TFWP we need to think about the sum of all parts (ie. how many families are in need of caregivers and how many domestic possibilities there really are).

When we consider foreign workers, we are looking at a demographic of men and women where making minimum wage is double or triple (or more) what they could make in their home country. We are looking at men and women who are qualified, competent, and compassionate caregivers; people who have received formal training in this area, and worked for multiple families. They’ve learned the ropes of adapting to new environments, cultures, and homes, and are comfortable making that transition; they even do it with ease. I can tell you that I fumbled all the way through this transition. While there certainly are domestic workers out there whom are interested in these positions, they are few and far between. More often than not, some younger folks and students may be interested in these positions, but they just aren’t necessarily qualified to look after your children, particularly given that many live-in nannies who come in through the Live-in Caregiver Program have had children of their own and truly understand what it takes to be a good caregiver.

The circumstance of people coming to work through the TFWP as live-in caregivers is not in any way similar to other types of jobs, which is why I’m sticking in the context of the Live-in Caregiver Program.

In Canada, we also offer the opportunity for foreign workers to apply for permanent residency after two years of full-time work. I have always thought that this is a sound immigration practice as it ensures that people applying for residency are contributing members of our economy (although I am no expert on immigration policies). One of the policies I had heard they were considering revising is that of the permanent residency application which would significantly decrease caregiver’s motivations to come to Canada because there are other countries that pay adequate wages for them to support their families back home, that also don’t offer residency (see full details on overhauling TFWP). We need the opportunity to hire foreign workers for live-in caregiver positions, particularly given that we are in a childcare crisis. In the city of Toronto where I live, infant room spots in daycare centres can run you as much as $2,100 per month! Many families are forced to either have one person stay home (because it makes more financial sense), but still leaves them absolutely strapped financially, or live in financial ruins while they're children are pre-school aged. When I explored the idea of a live-in caregiver, I realized that I can hire a caregiver at a cost of less than $1,000 each month (I have work flexibility that enables me to hire 30 hours a week, the required minimum). I cannot imagine having to allocate over $2,000 each month to childcare. As these rates continue to rise, more and more families are seeking alternatives such as live-in nannies or nanny sharing and we will continue to need foreign workers to fill the gaps where we can’t secure domestic workers for these positions.

This past summer the CBC released an article which detailed an alleged immigration scam on behalf of a nanny recruitment agency who was forging documents and bringing foreign workers into the country based on false employer contracts. I can see that a situation like this would create skepticism around the structure of this program, and push politicians to reconsider the value and efficacy it, however over all, I fear that the dishonest actions of one agency could cost us all a lot more than their wrong doings. Immigration is a complex issue (and again, not one that I claim to be well versed on), but looking at it from the scope of a parent, I value the opportunity to provide quality care for my child at a rate that is affordable not only to my family, but for the caregiver and their family as well.

If there's one thing I've learned as a new parent, it's that you can't judge a situation, relationship, or circumstance unless you're in it. You can't take a looking glass approach to life and make global assumptions based on what you think you see. I've learned so much about not judging other moms, for example, and respecting that we all have different ways of child rearing. I hope that providing a first-hand account of my experience as a live-in caregiver might shed some light on the context of these complex issues in Canada and provide a perspective from inside the glass.