Nanny&Me: SUNDAY'S STORY CORNER: More Than Just a Nanny...a Co-Parent

SUNDAY'S STORY CORNER: More Than Just a Nanny...a Co-Parent

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Making the decision to bring a nanny into your home and your family is a big one, and most big decisions in life don't come without their apprehensions. Sleepless nights worrying about whether you'll have that instantaneous connection, how your kids will fair through the transition, and whether you'll be able to find the balance of employer and family are all part of the package. I've heard a lot of worries pouring from the hearts and minds of my fellow mommies who are approaching the move-in time of their nannies and mostly I hear about fretting over the right balance between employer and friend/family, wondering about how a live-in nanny might impact a marriage and the sense of privacy in the home, and worrying about whether or not you and your kids will build an immediate bond with the nanny.

Well here at Nanny&Me, I've created Sunday's Story Corner with the goal of sharing warm fuzzy stories direct from your home to my blog, and out to all of the anxiety ridden parents in need of a little positive reassurance. Maybe it's just the camp person in me, but I LOVE sharing positive stories. So if you're feeling anxious and would like someone to share a story about a particular worry that you have, or maybe you just want to share a wonderful tidbit from your life, write to me!

I welcome success stories of all kinds about your live-in (or live-out) nanny experiences!

To start our week off on the right foot, here's our first Story Corner sharing which comes to us from Jennifer of Toronto. Jennifer's the owner of a small business called Pawsitively Pets and has two wonderful kids. Thanks for writing in Jennifer! Here's Jennifer's story...

As a small business owner I knew from the time we even considered getting pregnant that our family would need a nanny to help us to raise our children. I wasn’t looking for just someone to come in each day and take care of my son, but some who would become a part of our family and someone who could embrace our values as parents. After all, we would basically be co-parenting together. Having my own business, I really didn’t get a maternity leave. Once home from the hospital with my son (who is now 3) I started taking him to work with me and basically working a reduced work schedule. When he was 5 weeks old my husband took 8 weeks of paternity leave as my “busy” season was starting and would demand a 40-60 hour work week for two months. It was during that time that my husband and I knew we would need a nanny to start in the fall when our son would only be about 4 months old. So our search for a nanny began. We were looking for a live-in nanny, someone already in Canada and we were happy to take over their sponsorship.

We had some of our friends nannies put the word out through the “nanny network” that we were looking, and soon had 9-10 potential candidates to interview. In addition to picking someone who would be an ideal fit for our family and caregiver for a 4 month old we also needed someone who was comfortable with dogs – we have 2 of them, one who is quite big the other who is small. Although the job description did not include any care of the dogs, it wouldn’t work if someone was afraid of them.

We also wanted to nanny share our nanny with a neighbour each day from 3pm – 6pm, when our nanny would pick our neighbours kids up from school and take care of them until they arrived home from work. I was only going to work until 230pm each day so I could spend time with my new baby and have some sense of a maternity leave and that special mommy-baby time.

The start to our nanny interviews was a rocky one, the first two interviews didn’t even show up, which left me with some serious anxiety about how I would ever find someone I could trust the care of my baby with. The first person who did show up was so scared of the dogs she couldn’t even make it into the house (I warned everyone that we had dogs and they needed to be comfortable with them.) The next candidate seemed very competent and friendly but never looked at my baby or asked to hold him. And then came Gemma, and I knew from the moment she walked in the door, pet the dogs and reached for the baby that this was going to be a good fit. Everyone always says to trust your gut and mine told me this was our nanny, and after interviewing the candidates that came behind her I knew she was the one.

One month later Gemma moved in with us and we began the process of making her a part of our family. I spent time with her going over how we do things, but told her to be sure to tell me if something didn’t work or if she found my son was outgrowing a certain routine. I let her know what was important to me with regards to the babies care and schedule and that baby always came first, housekeeping and other things were always second. It took some time for a relationship to form between my husband and I and Gemma, (Gemma is naturally very shy and quiet,) but the relationship with my son was instant and I could tell how much she cared about him.

The main thing that has helped our relationship is that we are working together, I call Gemma my co-parent or the kids 3rd parent (we now also have a daughter.) We talk about things as they come up, make changes as we need to and I don’t worry about what isn’t getting done. I have learned from my own time with both kids that often all the things you want to get done in a day can’t happen, things interfere and the kids come first, so I don’t expect more out of Gemma than what I can accomplish, and quite frankly she always seems to get more done than I do when I am with the kids.

Gemma has been with us for 3 years now, she is now a live-out nanny and hopefully after 15 years of living in Hong Kong and Canada she will finally be reunited with her husband as he should be arriving early next year. Our hope is for Gemma to be with us for as long as possible, but we know she too wants to have her own family and that she will be an amazing mom to her own children one day. We know there will be a day when Gemma is no longer with our family, but we know that she will always be a part of our family and that we will always have a relationship with her.