EVERYTHING You NEED to KNOW About NANNY SHARING

I have received several requests from readers to write on the topic of nanny sharing. After a LOT of research, I have put a post together that I hope will answer all of your nanny sharing questions. First off, I’d like to take the opportunity to say a HUGE thank you to all of the families who participated in my research. I spoke with and/or surveyed over 20 families and all of them were so open, honest, and helpful.

The types of nanny sharing arrangements really run the gamut and the possibilities are endless. Families are all so unique and there are so many ways that a nanny share can function. In this post, I’ll share with you what some of the typical set ups are, as well as things to consider going into a nanny share, and tips for a successful experience.

Nanny sharing is typically done with live-out nannies, however it can be done with a live-in nanny so long as the nanny is not a foreign worker being sponsored under the Live-in Caregiver Program. The Live-in Caregiver Program does not permit nannies to work for more than one family, and sharing a sponsored nanny with another family could jeopardize your standing with the federal government (making it difficult to hire a future nanny, and causing your current nanny to lose their work permit). 

The average nanny share arrangement involves a nanny being shared by two families looking after 2-4 children for 40-50 hours/week and situations vary with regards to the tasks that the nanny undertakes (child minding, cooking, cleaning). 

There are a few common physical set-ups:

1. Split home. This option involves having the children rotate between both families' homes. Rotations are typically done on an hourly (morning in one home, afternoon in the other), daily (3 days/week in one home, 2 days/week in the other, then switch) or weekly (rotating homes bi-weekly) basis.
2. Single host family. This option involves having one family host the children and nanny full-time, and the other family drops off/picks up their children each day (one family even had the nanny do the pick-up/drop-off on their way to work).
3. Hours share. This option does not involve actually sharing the nanny at the same time, rather dividing up the hours in the week (the nanny works for one family 20 hours, and the other family 20 hours, or another ratio that works for both parties).

Other set-up factors:

Food cost sharing

1. Go it alone. Each family provides food for their child (this would involve packing lunches, or sending ingredients for cooking).
2. When in Rome. Each family provides the food for everyone the children and nanny when they are in their home. (This certainly seems to the most hassle free option to me, but food would need to be discussed and agreed upon in advance). This option would be suitable for families rotating hosting. 
3. That costs extra. The host family provides food for everyone, and the secondary family pays a monthly fee for food. 

Diaper cost sharing. Same options as food cost sharing.

There are numerous benefits to sharing a nanny, here are a few of them:

The two most commonly indicated benefits of a nanny share are: COST SAVINGS and having a PLAYMATE for your child.

Other benefits include:

• Having multiple kids to entertain one another allows the nanny to do more cooking/cleaning.
• The development of social skills (sharing, communication). 
• Home-based care including the comfort of one's home, in addition to local outings (parks, playgrounds, centres, program), and playing/napping at home. 
• Teaching flexibility. Children learn to adapt to a new environment, including learning to sleep somewhere new which one family mentioned was great practice for travelling. 
• No worry of getting kids out the door in the morning (at least some of the time if rotating houses). 
• Help with housekeeping and cooking. 
• Avoiding the frequent daycare illnesses.

There are several cost sharing arrangements:

While a lot of families do split the cost 50/50, there are other ways to divide up the costs depending on several factors including: number of kids (does one family have more kids than the other?), hours (does one family use more childcare hours than the other?), physical arrangement (which family hosts?). 

When a single family hosts the nanny and kids, it can mean that the host family should pay more or less depending on a few things. If the host family also has the nanny do cleaning and cooking for the family, then they will often pay more, but if they don't realize these benefits, then they will often pay less since they are managing the business side (acting as legal employer, CRA remittance, paying the nanny, liability, wear and tear on the house etc.) 

It certainly becomes apparent speaking with so many families that there are many ways to manage a nanny share, and that it is possible to find a situation that meets the unique needs of each family (ie. One family needing full-time care, while another only needs before/after school care). 

Ways to manage payment:

1. Sole employer. One family acts as the "sole employer". This means that they file for a business number, manage paying the nanny and CRA remittance, obtain WSIB, receive payment from secondary family, and file the childcare expenses on their personal income tax (some families provide the secondary family with a receipt so that they may also file and some claim the entire childcare tax credit themselves).
2. Joint employer. Each family obtains a business number and pays the nanny independently. They decide upon the cost sharing, and then pay the salary and remit CRA deductions independently (as two separate employers) and both claim the expense on their personal income taxes.

How much does a nanny share cost?

While hourly wages vary from $11-$25/hour gross (before deductions) the going rate seems to be $17.50/hour gross. The average family pays between $1,000-2,000/month which is a significant cost savings over the total cost of a nanny (see the cost of a live-out nanny HERE). PLEASE NOTE: I will continue to update the average amount, recalculating it as more readers write in to provide the most accurate and current rate. 

Getting Started

Families that I spoke with used the following avenues to find their sharing family and/or nanny:

• Websites (nanny4hire.com, craigslist.ca, canadiannanny.ca),
• Local Facebook group, blog and paper, 
• At local programs,
• Agency, and/or
• Friends/family (directly or via referral). 

Recruitment options:

1. Hire first. Nearly all of the families that I spoke with hired a nanny first and then found a family to share the nanny.
2. Join in. The second most common practice was to find a family who has already hired a nanny, and join in on their arrangement.
3. Hire together. Although less common, some families chose to find one another first, and then partner up and hire the nanny together (you could certainly learn a lot more about one another's families by interviewing together).  When families go this route, one family usually offers to manage the recruitment process. 

Contracts:

Although most families I spoke with did not have formal contracts or agreements drawn up, I would certainly recommend it. Some families had verbal agreements and saved emails in case of disagreements, some families drew up an employee contract with the nanny (but not the other family), and others drew up an employee contract (signed by both families), as well as a contract between families. 

Common nanny-sharing challenges:

The three most common challenges are:

1. Food (agreeing on what the kids eat, organizing meals, deciding on arrangement),
2. Vacation (families' vacation time and preferences often don't match up which makes it tricky to also provide the nanny with their vacation), and
3. Parenting styles (agreeing on disciplinary approach, as well as childrens' activities, and guidelines for nanny...can he/she take them on public transportation?, for example). 

Other common challenges include:

• Illness. Coordinating what happens when the nanny, or children get sick.  
• Expectations. Families have different expectations of the nanny's duties and responsibilities, and different management styles.
• Sharing. Managing the initial transition, as well as ongoing management of behaviours around having the children share their toys. 
• Relationship management. Dealing with conflicts that arise, communicating openly, and fostering a positive relationship with the other family.  
• Privacy. Sharing space can be difficult, especially if you are in a situation where one family picks up their children later than your return from work time (this can mean having someone else's kids, and your nanny in your space when you arrive home). 
• Self-imposed mom pressure. Having someone else's kids come into your home on a regular basis can create a sense of pressure to keep your home constantly tidy and organized.  

Potential conflicts scenarios:

• Frequent tardiness. Families who show up late to pick up their child day after day. 
• Sick kids. Sharing a nanny with a family who has a child that frequently gets sick. 
• Food. One child is a picky eater and the families disagree on how to appropriately manage this (do kids eat separate meals or do families/nanny meal plan and stick to it?). OR families share food responsibilities (each cover food when the kids and nanny are at their house), but one family provides well-rounded balanced meals, and the other family provides inadequate food (portions, quality). 
• Kids’ schedule and activities. Disagreeing on regular activities for the kids and degree of scheduling (is the day very structured, or more laid back?) and limits on what the nanny can do with the children (does she take them swimming? on public transportation?) 
• Parenting styles. Managing differences in expectations on children and discipline, having a sharing family's child draw on your walls, break items in the house etc. 
• Managing relationship with nanny. Who manages the relationship with the nanny? Does each family communicate with them separately, or does one family manage them as an employee?
• Discoveries. You find out from the nanny (or your kids) that there is a situation at the sharing family's house that you should know about, but didn't (such as: extra kids being dropped off and cared for, different meals being served than what was discussed etc.) 
• Temperament differences. You have a very easy going baby, but learn that your sharing family's baby cries all of the time, resists naps, and frequently fusses. The other family's baby is stressing out the nanny, and you feel that it is having a detrimental effect on the care your baby is receiving. 

PLEASE NOTE: Not once did the kids' relationship with one another come up as an issue. All families found that their kids loved having a playmate and got along great, and many (whom shared a nanny in the past) found that their kids are still great friends to this day.

Tips from nanny-sharing families: 

• Make a playroom. If you have the space and are able to make a playroom that is baby/child proof with a safety gate, anchored furniture, a library etc. you will be able to rest assured that your sharing family's kids are safe in your home. You will also be at ease knowing that you won't come home to find your favourite vase broken since the kids don't have free range of your house.
• Discuss EVERYTHING! Have the difficult conversations upfront. Talk about everything from how you will proceed if one family wants out of the arrangement to how you will approach conflicts such as an issue that arises with the nanny.
• Establish policies. Recommended policies include: lateness (does nanny stay and the late family pays over time? Does host family look after child? Is there a number of late occurrences that are appropriate), sickness (does a sick child stay with parents or go to nanny share? What constitutes "sick"...temperature, vomitting, diarrhea etc? How long does the sick child need to wait before after recovering before returning to nanny share?), conflict resolution (a guideline for how you manage conflicts or disagreements), food (a guideline for what each family must provide, meal planning etc). 
• Meet meet meet. Meet several times before confirming your arrangement. Be upfront, be honest, and be clear. Don't try to make a great impression at the expense of being open about your needs, and wants in the arrangement. It's best to find a family who is truly a good fit. 
• Consider a trial period. And plan to sit down and meet with your sharing family at the end of it to discuss how things are going; what is working, what could be improved. 
• Choose wisely. Picking the right family was unanimously cited as a defining factor in the relationship and success of nanny sharing arrangements. Ensure that the sharing family is a good fit and shares your desire to communicate openly. 
• CPR/First Aid. Split the cost with your sharing family and have your nanny brush up on their infant/child first aid and CPR.

I asked families if they would recommend nanny sharing, here is what they said: 

Families who indicated "yes", also indicated that their answer was correlated to finding a like-minded family who maintains open lines of communication, and some said with kids around the same age.

"Absolutely!"

"I would recommend it as long as both parties are on equal footing and agree to the terms up front".

"I would recommend it for families who really do see eye to eye and are willing to take it year by year...it's been the BEST thing we could have done". 

I also solicited nanny feedback from those experienced with nanny sharing, one nanny shared her insight, "I would work for another nanny share, but one needs to compensate well. Consider vacationing at the same time so the nanny can have a vacation as well. If your nanny is happy, she will stay around for a very long time and become part of the family".



I hope I've answered all of your nanny sharing questions and given you the information needed to make a decision about whether nanny sharing is right for you, and to start your nanny sharing journey!

Have a question that wasn't answered??...Post a comment below, I'll research it, and reply.  

STEP 7: Sending Your Nanny the Right Documents

The 7th step in the sponsorship process is to send your future nanny the positive LMO and supporting documents so that they can proceed with their work permit application. If you followed my previous instructions ;-) then you should have sent two original copies of the employee contract (one for your future nanny, and one for their application) weeks ago, so that it would be there now, but if you didn't do this ahead of time, then you'll want to send it immediately. It takes between 4-7 business days for most overseas mail. I mailed the contract to Hongkong and it took 5 business days to arrive. I sent it via regular mail. I could have spent $70 for express post, but it would take the same amount of time, and the only difference was that it was guaranteed (vs. regular mail where I suppose they don't take responsibility should it take longer). I went with regular post and it paid off because for less than $5 it got there in the same amount of time as the advertised express post timelines.

The employee contract is the only document that is required in original copy, the other two documents that are required for the work permit application are 1) your financial statements. Your future nanny will need copies of your CRA Notice of Assessment, or other approved documents for the past two years (you can send these documents directly to the visa office if you're not comfortable with the nanny seeing them, but it seems more complicated to me because then you're trusting in the visa office to keep them on file until the rest of the application shows up or you're delaying the process if you wait until you get the request from the CIC to send them in...for us even a one day delay is undesirable, but if you have more time and are more comfortable, you can send them in directly), and 2) Positive LMO letter. You need to send the letter, as well as Annex A (this will become evident when the letter comes in the mail). PLEASE NOTE: The documents cited above are specific to the work permit application from Hongkong.

Don't have a scanner?...have you heard of the Tiny Scan app??...it's a fantastic free app for your phone that allows you to just take a photo, and then it converts it into a scanned document. I love it!

So to review, your future nanny needs original copies of the employee contract, and scanned copies of your financial statements and the positive LMO letter. Once your nanny has the documents, they can go to the NBI (National Bureau of Investigation) for clearance, then they obtain their medical, and finally submit their documents.

A note on the nanny's work permit submission requirements

We screened in our interviews for candidates who were familiar with the work permit process. Our future nanny also has family in Canada who have previously gone through the process, so she can seek advice from them if need be. The documents required for the work permit application are quite substantial. As such, your nanny should have started compiling the documents when they were offered the job, but if they didn't do this, then you can expect that it may take some time for them to get everything in order. Our nanny had everything prepared and ready to go, and just needed the documents from us in order to proceed.

If you're wondering what documents are needed for their application, they are listed below, or you can find them on the CIC website or click HERE for the list below. PLEASE NOTE: The documents listed below are specific to candidates who are applying from Hongkong. There are slight variations to the documents required based on the country where they are residing during their application.

Once your future nanny submits her work permit application, you are just waiting on the approval and then you can book their flight. The CIC (Citizenship and Immigration Canada) office has a website where you can check current work permit processing times in various countries.

SUNDAY'S STORY CORNER: A Newspaper Ad That Changed My Life

This week’s Storycorner submission comes from…me! I want to tell you a story about the impact that a nanny had on my life. 

Me with my nanny (and Godmother), Maryann

When I was 10 months old, my mother put an ad out in the local paper in search of a nanny for me. Amidst all of the applicants was Maryann. Maryann was a strong British woman who had no formal childcare experience, but she had raised two children, and had experience working in recreational programming at nursing homes for the elderly. She must have really shone because my mother (a very intelligent woman) gave her the job. She started right away and mostly looked after me at my parent's house, but I would go to her house sometimes too as she lived in the area.

Maryann instilled in me a lot of the values that I carry with me today. For starters, she had me walk everywhere…and I mean everywhere! At the age of five, I walked from the Beaches of Toronto to the Eaton Centre and for anyone who isn’t from Toronto, let me tell you, that is a long way, like a really really long way for a five year old; about 7 kilometres to be exact. Thanks to Maryann’s encouragement, I really love to walk. Maryann had some strict rules; I wasn’t allowed to drink my lunchtime juice until I had finished eating my meal, I was always expected to do as I was told, and I was taught to be generous with my pleases and thank you's, but Maryann was also the most caring, loving, and generous woman. As a toddler I adoringly called her Mee-anne.

I have so many memories. Along our walks, we would stop into Culture's (a restaurant that was a staple on Queen St for many years) where Maryann would buy me a carrot muffin. We would sit in the big booth in the window and people watch. It was a regular outing to walk up to V.I.C.S (which just recently closed) on Kingston Rd. and I can still picture the hodge podge of nick nacks in the store and smell that wonderful thrift shop smell (you know the one I’m talking about). And at the end of our day, her daughter Su would see me off with terms of endearment like "carrot head", and "cauliflower nose". 

Maryann took wonderful care of me. Over the years, I grew close to her family too. I really got a whole second family out of the deal. She looked after me until I was five years old when she decided to move to Mississauga with her family, but our journey didn’t stop there. My mother had appointed her my Godmother and our relationship continued to flourish; I started going to stay with her and her family in Mississauga, first for a night, then for a weekend, and by the age of ten I was spending half of my Christmas holidays, and several weeks in the summer there, in addition to some weekend visits. Throughout the course of my childhood, my mother was often asked how she felt about how close I was to Maryann and her family (her daughter Su is also my godmother), as if she was supposed to feel jealous. My mother would reply by telling each person who asked that she was thrilled because she loved me, and she wanted me to experience as much love and support in my life as possible. She knew that Maryann and her family provided me with a great deal of love and support, and for that, she was grateful.

At my Grade 7 confirmation, I chose the saint name Anne, after Maryann, and she attended as my sponsor, which is somewhat interesting looking back as she wasn’t catholic…shhhh…don’t tell on me. Maryann had early onset Alzheimer’s and at the time that she attended my confirmation, she had really begun to lose her memory and capacity. I’m not going to go into that part of the story because I would need an entire book (literally…I wrote a book about it for a grade 8 school project), and because I want to keep this story light hearted. I will tell you this though, Maryann passed away when I was 20, but had spent much of the six years leading up to that point in a distant place, the sort of place that Alzheimer’s takes you.

Maryann in 1987

What I got out of having Maryann in my life is far more than I can ever put into words. If you’re lucky in life, then you can look back on your childhood and feel gratitude for those people who were pillars in your life; the people who built up your character, shared with you their knowledge, and believed in you. I was very fortunate to have several of these pillars in my life, and Maryann was one of them. The things that she taught me, the values that she instilled in me, and the sense of love and security that she bestowed upon me changed my life forever, and all because she answered a simple ad in a newspaper. I can still hear her words, in her British accent, clear as day, "I love you Jenn" and for this I am grateful.

Service Canada's Lightning Speed and LMIA TIPS

You'll never guess what we received in the mail?! After hearing from so many families that the LMIA (Labor Market Impact Assessment) can take up to 10-12 weeks or more, I was shocked when we received verbal approval earlier this week (at the two week post-submission mark), but imagine my surprise...my utter disbelief when the official positive LMO (Labor Market Opinion) showed up in the mail today!! (...okay yesterday, but it took me 24 hours to remember to write this post). They had said on Tuesday that I would receive it by late next week, and by golly it came at lightning speed!!

Here's our timeline so far:

LMIA Application Submission: Monday October 6th
LMIA fee shows up on my MasterCard: Monday Oct 20th
Verbal confirmation of positive LMO attempt (we played phone tag for a day): Monday Oct 20th
Verbal confirmation of positive LMO: Tuesday Oct 21st
Positive LMO official letter: Friday Oct 24th

This means that the total turnaround time was two and a half weeks!...18 days to be exact!

My Top Five Things to Remember When Filing the LMIA:

1. Be Detail Oriented. Cross your t's and dot your i's, don't leave any box unfilled. If something doesn't apply to your situation, then write "n/a", but don't leave empty boxes.
2. Be Thorough. Provide as much detail as possible. Not only will it provide them with adequate information so that they don't have to follow up with you, but it will put your mind at ease.
3. Be Honest. Don't try to write what you think the ESDC (Employment and Social Development Canada) office wants to hear...write your story and your truth. Life always works out better when you're honest.
4. Use the Right Template. Don't try to create your own employee contract; use the template provided by Service Canada as this ensures faster turnaround time.
5. Be Kind. It's always best to be kind, so chipper up when you get that call from the ESDC office and make friends with the individual managing your file...not because it will get you approved faster (although it might), but rather because it's the right thing to do. :-)

I am über impressed. Shouts out to Service Canada for doing a rocking good job on this one.

Your Role as an Employer and Understanding Job Incentives

A lot of people want to know what expenses they need to cover for a nanny and what perks (if any) they need to provide to them. I frequently hear a range of opinions over whether families should be required to provide perks. I’m going to start this post with my take on this whole conundrum of a debate, and finish it with some practical information. 

I’ll start by saying that I think sometimes people lose sight of the fact that a nanny, although working in your home, is an employee like any other, so they absolutely have the right to set standards and expectations when it comes to their work, and to negotiate as they see fit during the hiring stages. It is also conceivable, that like any job, a nanny may accept a job offer, and after working for a family for some time, they may try to negotiate a wage increase or additional perks. I know I personally have tried to negotiate things like health insurance, parking, and more vacation time when I’ve renewed a contract with an employer.

When you choose to hire a nanny, you are choosing to take on the role of employer. It is a role that requires you (for a moment) to put aside your feelings of “but we can barely afford this; we’re a middle class family, we’re not rich!” (or some version of this which many of us feel from time to time) and consider for a moment that this is not really the nanny’s problem. Being an employer should not be taken lightly. When it is, it leads to poor communication, and a lack of clarity, which leads to an unhappy nanny, and an unhappy family. If taking on this role doesn’t sit well with you, then you may want to think about considering other forms of childcare. Daycare, for example, positions you as the client, rather than the employer. I’m not suggesting that you should suddenly feel nervous about becoming an employer if you have no prior experience because all of the skills required to do a good job can be learned, and lot of the learning will happen through lived-experience, but you do need to acknowledge this role. 

When I hear families complain that nannies are “demanding” extraordinary perks, it makes me question whether or not that family really understands the context of hiring a nanny. You need to be a savvy employer. If providing perks isn’t an option for you because you’re not comfortable with them, or don’t have the budget, then you need to consider other ways to make the job more appealing. What other benefits can you offer and how do you manage the relationship, and your employee so that they are happy and fulfilled in their job? You basically need to think about how to prevent employee turnover. There is always a risk that a nanny could come work for you, decide to ask for a higher wage or more perks and leave when you turn them down. You need to consider this right from the outset. How are you screening for long-term job commitment in your interviews? What other benefits are you providing? In our household, we feel confident that we have a lot of fun as a family and will welcome our nanny to be part of this fun. We will go out of our way to make her feel appreciated and demonstrate our gratitude, and we hope that this in turn will increase her job satisfaction. We have been upfront from the very beginning about expectations and fit with our family, and we hope that this will prevent any unforeseen confusion.

The truth is that hiring a nanny is an extremely fine balance; you want to welcome them into your home as part of your family and build a lasting and trusting relationship with them, but you also need to manage them in their role (when it comes to tasks, concerns, or discrepancies), as well as manage the business side of things (payment, CRA remittance etc). My husband and I were landlords for over five years, and in that time we honed the balance of a similar relationship. We screened tenants for fit. We liked having tenants who would create a community feel around our home; we would go for coffees together, share in a meal, or help them out when needed. It is a similar sort of relationship that requires the balance of the personal, and business side of things.

So when it comes to putting together a job package, how do you know what should be covered and what additional incentives to offer?

Standard expenses/things that are provided to a live-out nanny include:

•  Food while they’re with your child(ren),

•  A wage of $14-17/hr,

•  Vacation (4% of pay or two weeks), and

•  Paid sick days (the number is at your discretion). 

Incentives for a live-out nanny may include:

•  Covering a portion of their cellphone bill (for communication with you),

•  Internet use in your home (for during a break while the child naps, for example), and/or

•  Transportation costs incurred traveling to/from work (a TTC Metropass, for example). 

Standard expenses/things that are provided to a live-in nanny include:

•  A furnished bedroom,

•  Food (including meals at home, and/or restaurant meals when you choose to eat out),

•  A wage of $11/hr,

•  Vacation (4% of pay or two weeks)

•  Paid sick days (the number is at your discretion),

•  Transportation costs that are incurred while looking after your child, and

•  Internet access at home (assuming your family has internet).

Incentives for a live-in nanny may include:

•  Transportation costs for personal time (a TTC Metropass, for example),

•  Petty cash allowance,

•  Additional sick days or vacation time,

•  Cable TV,

•  Access to a personal computer,

•  A cell phone, and/or

•  Above average accommodations such as a bedroom with ensuite or a nanny suite (private kitchen, bathroom etc.)

Your location is also perceived as a perk or deterrent. It’s important to keep in mind that nannies work for all sorts of families and households; from families who live in sprawling estates to those who live in tiny urbanite apartments and condos, so it’s really about figuring out what you’re comfortable offering someone and what you feel is fair, then doing your due diligence throughout the hiring process to screen for fit, and tossing a bit of faith into the mix.

So what’s our situation (as an example) you might ask?...

•  We live in a pedestrian friendly urban neighbourhood,

•  We live in a cozy two-bedroom bungalow,

•  We will pay $11/hr,

•  We will provide a TTC allowance of 6 tokens per month (about $20),

•  The nanny will have a bedroom in the basement that is nicely furnished (and we are working on lots of DIY projects to totally customize it to be a warm, welcoming room).

•  We will put a flat screen TV (need to purchase one) with Netflix in the nanny’s bedroom,

•  As well as a computer (we repurposed an old one) with internet,

•  She will have access to a semi-private bathroom and kitchen (second bathroom and second kitchen in basement, so we may use from time to time, but mostly hers),

•  We offered 3 weeks (not two) of vacation,

•  As well as 10 paid sick days, and

•  Above everything, we are a genuine, warm, and community-oriented family who is going to welcome her into our home as family.

I hope this post has shed light on my (hopefully helpful) perspective on this topic, as well as provided you with some clarity around the “going rate” for hiring a nanny.